By Ken Blue |
March 1st, 2012. Filed under: ARTICLES.
By Ken Blue
We hear the term from fundamentals’ today about being warm and fuzzy. I’m not sure what it means, but it’s often used with sarcasm concerning how other pastors preach, and pastor their churches. In addition, there is some aversion to being friendly to those who might be seeking a better life than they have now. One thing for sure, I don’t want to be warm or fuzzy, or friendly to the lost if it is un-scriptural or anti-scriptural. So I have considered some ideas that may help fundamentalist avoid the criticism of being warm and fuzzy themselves.
Since the first impressions are the most lasting, what I suggest is to turn on the air conditioning in the fall and run it on high all winter. It will leave an unforgettable experience, and you will never again be accused of having a warm church.
The second thing I would do is wrap barbed wire around the toilet seats. This will take the meaning out of fuzzy. And for a change, the sinner will be screaming instead of the preacher! Believe me, you will not be accused of being fuzzy.
Put a sign on your church door that says, “Welcome to hell!” Shock it out of them before they enter! This conditions them for the fire and brimstone to come from the pulpit.
Put lemon juice in the communion cups. I don’t know what the qualities of lemon juice are, but everyone will be puckered, and ready to give the brethren a holy kiss.
Put sour cream in the coffee. Don’t lose sight of our goal. We do not want to be warm or fuzzy, nor do we want to be friendly to sinners. Let us be called everything, but never, friendly, warm, or fuzzy.
Scream and yell through the whole sermon so people will know you are mad at them. Make sure not to show any warmth to sinners that would be a sign of weakness.
Tell people how sorry they are, and that God hates sinners. They may never come back, but you gave it to them while they were there. You can reassure yourself, that they know they were in a church where a real man of God was in the pulpit.
Tell ushers and greeters not to smile at people. That only confuses them, makes them think you might have a friendly church. You wouldn’t want to do that; they might be seekers!
Don’t speak to or shake hands with people after the service. They will think you are a hypocrite, and only pretending to be friendly, warm, and fuzzy. For the life of me, I don’t know what fuzzy means!
“Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy didn’t care,
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy, was he?” –Ken Blue