A DEPRESSION CONFESSION

By Ken Blue
October 23rd, 2013. Filed under: ARTICLES.
   depression             By Ken Blue “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.” Psalm 42:5. My good friend, Pastor Al Hughes, worked of staff with me for five years. One day he asks, “Brother Blue, do you ever get depressed?” I gave is some thought, and said, “Not that I know of.” I have never been given to depression or discouragement. Someone said I had been lucky. I would not state it that way, but God has opened the windows of heaven on my life. I am use to being in charge, and seeing things get done. As many of you know, that has all changed. I am no longer in charge of anything, not even my emotions. I weep at what is not sad, and laugh at that which is not funny. Last week I got a taste of what depression feels like. My voice is gone and I can no longer give commands that anyone will listen to. I am not able to do the simplest task as a result of ALS. It frustrates me that things don’t get done my way, or in most cases, not at all. I concluded, what’s the use? I felt anger and hopelessness. I decided I would let nature take its course and let it end. I refused to eat or take my meds for a week. At night, my mind was like a race track with all kinds of thoughts spinning around in my head. Why not end this, and get it over with. Today started out like the other four or five, same feelings, same thoughts. Then God began to convict me with Scripture. “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry… “1 Samuel 15:23. I really did not want to think about that verse, but I knew it was true. I managed to push it aside. Then another verse came to mind. “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?” 1 Corinthians 6:19. I had to answer that question. But pride was now an issue. Finally, I said to Joyce, “Ok, get the formula and the syringe, and fill me up through the feeding tube.” I confess, once I broke the fetters of pride, everything else was easy, and the burden was light. I can now pray, read my Bible, and munch on a cookie now and then. I am not suggesting that all depression is because of sin or selfishness. I do believe much of it is. Some symptoms of depression may indeed be a chemical imbalance and need medication. I don’t know. I do know that much of it is the result of anger, guilt, loss, and a feeling of no way out. However, God is overlooked in most of these problems of life. I could blame others as long as God would leave me alone. He did not. So, Brother Hughes, do I ever get depressed? The answer is, yes. This is my confession.  I thank God, by His grace, He led me out of it. Pray that I don’t allow it to return.    
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11 Responses to A DEPRESSION CONFESSION

  1. LuEtta Antenne

    Beloved Brother Blue, For many years, you have been a huge blessing to me and my children. You bless me even more by your patient suffering. I check your blog often to make sure you are still with us and am so happy you still are! Your blog ministry is filled with godly wisdom and wonderful poetry.
    Am praying for you and Sister Blue to continue to be encouraged in and strengthened by our loving Lord.
    In Jesus’ love, LuEtta Antenne (your Rice Lake, Wisconsin sister)

  2. Randy Myers

    Pastor Blue,

    I want you to know something: I love you and I will beer forget you and the things you have taught me. I haven’t seen you in a longtime and we haven’t spoken but you are in my heart and always will be. If I don’t get an opportunity to see you here, I will most definitely see you there. My hope is that the Rapture is coming soon, but if it doesn’t, it will be the blink of an eye before we enter Heaven. I cannot wait for the reunion, it is going to be beyond imagination. I’m realizing that life is but a vapor and time is precious. I’ve wasted too much of it. Let us continue to pray for each other, I will treasure that. God bless you and your family.

    Your friend,
    Randy

  3. Al Hughes

    Be assured that I am praying for you, my friend! Never give up! Don’t quit. Keep fighting the good fight, and live as long as God give you breath! God is not through with you yet! This is obvious, since you’re still with us! You are constant inspiration to me and hundreds of others whom you touch with your prayers and your words. I love you, Brother Ken!

  4. Tim Green

    Bro. Blue, God bless you and my prayers are with you. Bro. Tim Green

  5. Mark Gray

    Dear Bro. Blue,

    Thanks first of all for your years of friendship and faithfulness to the Lord. I am praying the Lord will give you great peace and comfort through the valley He has allowed you to trod. Your very words of encouragement could very well be one of the reasons He has been gracious to allow you to go through this time of testing. It is not that He is mean or uncaring but that He knows your maturity in Him and by your strength through the trial, others will have their faith increased by the example He is allowing you to set for us. It is a high bar in which you have left to us as you approach this time of your life with great faith, strength and dignity. You have truly been a good friend and example as one who has fought the good fight, and is getting ready to finish well. More than anything I have a desire to be a servant who someday others will say, “he might not have been a great singer but he finished well.” I praise the Lord for your years of faithful testimony!

    Mary and I love you,

    Mark

  6. Ron coale

    Pastor Blue,
    Thank you for that good and personal article. Still, you will always be what God showed me about you during our brief meetings. You preached my ordination and, by God’s grace, and rock solid examples like yours and pastor Hughes, I am still in the ministry. I often reflect on, “What would Brother Blue do if…” or “Brother Blue would know what to do.”
    Thank you so much for putting your time and talents into building my walk for the Lord.

    Brother Ron Coale,
    Shelton, WA.

  7. Mike Keohler

    Bro. Blue,

    Like you, I have never had to endure the pain of constant depression. I count myself very blessed that the Lord has chosen not to allow me to endure that particular trial. The downside to this is that I don’t really know how to empathize with those who suffer deep depression. The Lord has chosen to grant you a particular insight into depression, and I thank you for sharing it. May we both (and hopefully many more) be more useful servants to the Lord because of it!

  8. John Allen

    Just wanted to let you know that we are praying for you. Your ministry has been a help to me. I have been encouraged by your trust in God and your love for Him, his work and His people. Not sure if you remember me but I pastor in Ellensburg, Washington and have been to Jubilee at Bible Baptist in Port Orchard. May God’s grace be abundant to you and your family.

    In Christ,

    Pastor John Allen

  9. Pastor Mike Walls

    Brother Blue, I work as a nurse as wiell as pastor. I work most with senior adults who if they were honest would tell you that they get depressed also. My life’s verse is Isaish 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” I know that I get depressed at times also. But the Lord always brings me out. Recently I was “blue” over a certain problem at the church. I was on my way to see pts. My wife called me. I told her how i felt. Shortly she texted me and told that it would leave me the moment I saw my first pt of the day. She was right and it was the Lord reminding me that He is not done with me yet.
    Thank you for honesty. Some preachers are too proud to admit depression. May our Great and Glorious Lord fill your life with His joy today.

  10. Scott Barlow

    May GOD Bless you Bro. Blue! I know you don’t remember me but I was a member of Bible Bapt. of Port Orchard back in the late 1980’s while stationed aboard the Nimitz. I heard you preach at an appreciation dinner Bro. Al Hughes put on. I must confess that I went through several years of depression and understand of wince you speak. I’m currently home recovering from Prostate cancer sugery and saw Bro. Al Hughes’ email asking to encourage you. I just wanted you to know I’ve always looked up to you as a “Man of GOD”.
    I know that those prison days of Paul the Apostle must have had many depressing times too but just as Paul you have fought the good fight and let me now encourage you to keep your eyes on the prize, run the race and finish well. Know that as you do you will not lose any rewards for what has been done in GOD’s service!
    I look forward to seeing you again either here, there or in the air!
    Your Brother in Christ
    Scott

  11. Wayne Mitchell

    Pastor,
    First thank you for your many years of following and serving The Lord to the fullest. My family prays for you regularly. I believe if it had not been for you and your ministry I would be dead today as the result of alcohol and depression. Thank God for starting a bus ministry the picked up my daughter one Sunday and got her saved. Thank God that the same bus ministry reached her mom and she got saved. Then for reasons I cannot explain God answered my prayer from a bar that I would meet someone in the same place that would get me back into church. It was 23 plus years ago at the the jet deck restraunt. Praise The Lord for Open Door with a man and his family that quit! As you said onetime to me stick with the stuff! We love you, Wayne, Julie, and Stephanie still in the service as a result of your faithfulness to the word. By the way my dad got saved at open door at the Tim lee meeting. Thank you so much brother. “John 3:16”

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