THINGS YOU WON’T FIND IN OUR CHURCH

By Ken Blue
May 2nd, 2015. Filed under: Poems.

THINGS YOU WON’T FIND IN OUR CHURCH

Spoof on Standards you won't find

By Ken Blue     You won’t find a screen with a bouncing ball Our nose is in the hymnal like the Apostle Paul. You won’t find drums or a base guitar Or a piano — like those in honky-tonk bars. We shun the organ; Luther called it, “The ensign of Baal” We don’t use sound systems, we scream and yell. Women don’t wear pants nor do they speak We like them inferior, feeble and meek. Power Point and Laptops are taboo and banned We reject background music it’s carnally canned. We don’t have air-conditioning or a patted pew Our people love Jesus and sweat it through. We don’t use gimmicks to reach God’s elect Their predestined already, so what the heck. We don’t serve coffee to the privileged guest We’re after the chosen and ignore the rest. We don’t preach sermons on liberty and grace A good dose of guilt keeps people in place. Our only ambition is to grow and thrive All sermons are on soul winning and giving the tithe. We don’t have television or Bibles on CD We maintain the standards of A.D. 103. We don’t have Internet; we reject this modern age But we hope you do and will access our church’s web page.
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4 Responses to THINGS YOU WON’T FIND IN OUR CHURCH

  1. Barb and Sal

    Ha thats good- I am hearing from some of our (40s+) kids from private school life sounding a little sour over their (60s+) parents who ‘Out of total LOVE’ seperated them from some of these “modern” things of the world-I do ask forgiveness 🙂 and pray for their parenthood skills, and yes I must press on, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our Faith.
    God’s still working on me-Praise the Lord.
    There’s only one perfect parent-> Perfect Father = God

  2. Stephanie Deyo

    wow!! that’s good.

  3. Tina

    We women soul win, study, teach, wear pants, skirts and dresses, use technology, are not quiet, correct false teaching, and LOVE our Lord Jesus Christ!! Amen.

    Have a wonderful day.

    P.S.

    We drink coffee and tea too!

  4. Ken Blue Ken Blue

    SOUNDS LIKE THE RIGHT KIND OF CHURCH.

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